Serenity — Eboni Curls Blog

Cheers Everyone!

I trust that life has been treating you all well. As many of you know from my instagram account, I chose to take a break from social media in and around a month and a half ago. Let’s delve into that a bit- shall we?

Scrolling through Instagram became apart of my day-to-day life. My mornings would start with me rolling over from a groggy sleep, tapping on that stupid little camera app and filling my mind with all the “inspo” I could find. Little did I know, this inspiration I convinced myself I was searching for became the culprit for the demise of my own creativity- the purity of my own passion.

Now don’t get me wrong- I love me a monochrome theme with clean photos and superb editing…but looking through instagram slowly crept into the darkest places of my mind, pushing me into an atmosphere filled with doubt, a lack of motivation and an even deeper hole filled to the brim with low-self esteem. *sigh* it’s about to get deeper than I’m ready for as I type this out.

At this point in my life, I’m extremely busy. The blog- while it is a priority of mine, often takes the backseat to school and 1 of my *few* jobs. It’s difficult, especially to complete thousand-word essays, to then dig for the energy to edit photos, plan shoots and curate looks-- yet this same cycle of “scroll-sigh-scroll” began to impede on my ability to do that much. I was constantly looking into peepholes of the things I wanted to create, but didn’t, or more, felt like I couldn’t. I felt like I was plummeting in a downward spiral towards the demise of not only Eboni Curls- but Eboni Morgan, too. Thus, began my Instagram hiatus.

You may have seen me around on other social media networks, and here’s why: none of these other social media accounts led me to think less of myself, my creativity or my passion. Something about the continuous scroll of instagram was like getting lost further and further into a maze. It was inescapable, to say the least. Twitter mainly consisted of text- Pinterest appeared more uplifting to me, and snapchat served as something more fun to me than work. As a visual artist, my creativity is easiest communicated through photography- and that’s the underlying basis of instagram. In other words, I was constantly faced with unattainable, edited photos that threw me into a stupor of doubting my own abilities to navigate and share my art. That’s a feeling I can’t begin to explain. Thousands of ideas running through my mind, daily, yet not sharing them or even attempting to bring them to life for fear of standing out “too much”, or not getting it to the point of perfection due to lack of resources.

Listen. As a blogger, I have no choice but to face the fact that the world of blogging has gotten- and continues to get more and more competitive. There’s a certain hegemonic image that gets the gigs, the followers, the collabs. This is a whole new world of purchased followers, photoshop and obsessive scrolling. And this doesn’t go for all successful bloggers! But without a doubt, the pressures that are placed on us as influencers leads us to get the “look” or the follower count sooner than later. I understand that this is how some people enjoy to live their lives, and I respect it. But for me- I can’t dance to that beat. The chance to share your work has such a tremendous ability to erase borders and reach audiences that could have never been reached in the past- which is beyond amazing. But when those pressures stop you from sharing at all, or questioning yourself, your brand, your passion- it’s time to step away.

To be quite frank, I didn’t miss instagram ONE bit. I didn’t find that I was less inspired, or felt that I was thriving on a few hundred double-taps. It felt freeing to not have to try to please others, or to meet their timing, or even their standards. And that’s not a jab at my followers at all- all I mean is that I got to take full control of who got to see my creations. I had the time to craft it and leave it, then revisit it. It was liberating.

Now that I’m back on the ‘gram, I see how easy it is to slip back into the nasty cycle I’m still trying to break. I’m working on ensuring that I stick to my vision. How I want things to be and accepting valuable constructive criticism wherever I can get it. Aside from this, I hope to inspire at least some of you, to explore your creativity capacity without borders. Be your own inspiration. Reach that stage of serenity and pull from there, your passion for creation.